Time travel. We can’t do it, but what if we could? When Back To The Future came out, I think it was safe to say everyone wanted a time traveling DeLorean. I honestly don’t think I would turn one down now. Not exactly sure what I would do with it though. Do I really want to see my future or do I really just want a weird car that is nostalgic of my childhood?
What if I could jump in my time traveling sports car and see myself in the future? What would I see? Would I be happy? Would I be sad? Would I even be here at all? Would I be happy with what I am currently doing for my mental health? Would I like what I see? Enter the question…are you good where you are, at this very moment?
It is a very important question in our journey. Obviously, we cannot just travel into the future and see what we are like and then come back to the present and either keep going as we are or implement changes based on what we saw of ourselves. We do not have that luxury. I think this is a good thing.
We have enough on our plates as we work on bettering our mental health for the present. We look at ourselves in the past tense to gain a sense of direction. We don’t want to dwell on the past too much as we really want to move forward and not get stuck on what once was. We go there long enough to figure out what we want to change in ourselves and then we have to move on. The past is very much there, but we want to move on from certain behaviors and not remain locked on what we were. We are working to make ourselves a better version of ourselves each and everyday.
As far as the future goes, I don’t think I want the pressure of knowing what is going to happen to myself before it happens. This is all a struggle and a battle each and everyday the way it is. What if we put a ton of work into this and then find out we are still not in a good place down the road? Would we be able to come back, to the present, and keep our motivation up to keep going already knowing it isn’t working how we intended it to? This, for me, would be information overload and I’m not sure I could handle it.
Therefore, I keep my head down and keep plugging away at the plan I have worked to put into place. I have to trust the plan even though I cannot truly see the outcome. I am doing things differently than what I used to do, so I have to trust in the unknown. I trust it, and I need to trust it, because I have gone outside of my old normal way of dealing with my depression and anxiety that I had before I even knew I had it. The old way was not working so now I have to trust that this new way of doing everything will work. It is worth a shot. It is good to mix it up especially when the old way was destructive. Trust in the plan that is being put in place.
It provides me hope. Hope is a tough word to grasp as we can’t really see it. It’s not a concrete thing that we can touch, but I think we need to possess it throughout this journey. Without hope, we lose sight of where we are trying to get. I have hope that this new way of going about battling my mental illness is going to work.
This doesn’t mean I never lose sight of where I am striving to get to. Recently, and I’m talking about over the last couple of months not the present. I have lost sight. I know I have. I see it now.
I actually had a great Friday night this past Friday. I usually dread Fridays, ever since I quit drinking, but this was a good Friday. I was able to step out of my funk for a little bit. Step out of my funk in a way I have been needing to. I went down into my music room, played the guitar and sang. I’m not a good singer, but that is not the point. I hadn’t done this in a very long time. I have been going down there and recording songs I have been making up and then I share these songs with a positive message on social media, but I hadn’t gone down there and truly played and enjoyed it just for me.
It was liberating. It was something I hadn’t done in a long time. I am not sure why I didn’t allow myself to do it sooner. It helped to lead into a good night. I was in a better mood. My dog had way more fetch time with the tennis ball😊. It was just…well…it was enjoyable. The best part is it allowed me to step back for a moment and let me really look at myself and where I am at presently.
I was able to ask myself “Are you good where you are, at this very moment?” In this reflective moment the answer was clear. The answer was and is “No, I’m not good with where I am, at this very moment.” Wow. I hadn’t allowed myself to see it. I have known it for a while, but I didn’t allow myself to really see it and digest what it means.
I have talked about this a bit, but I have been in a rut. I have recognized it, but I haven’t allowed myself to truly see how much of a funk I am in. I feel like I am doing what I should be doing to better my mental health, but really I’m not. I have hit a very stagnant point. Coupled with the pandemic, I guess it was inevitable…at least to a point.
This past year has been trying. Trying for all of us. It is hard to be mentally beat down during a normal year, but add the pandemic in, and the amount of time things have been flipped up side down, and I think a stagnant point in our battle is going to happen at some level. Well, it has happened to me.
This last Friday night, I was able to really step back and see it. From the good mood that I was in after playing music, I could see more clearly where I was. And I don’t like where I am. I’ve spelled a lot out about my inconsistent medical care in my previous couple of blogs. I’m in the midst of adjusting medication through all of this. I’ve also gotten lazy in how I go about maintaining and building on my mental health.
Changes need to come again for this guy. I see it now and I can’t keep doing things how I’m doing them. I’ve pondered recently about just giving up and living out my life however I can while being defeated and just dealing with it. Dealing with it in a way that this is as good as it gets, right now.
Well it is not as good as it gets. I need to kick myself in the ass and get the excitement and the drive back. I see this now. I write and podcast about a lot of things related to mental health. I believe in everything I say. My problem is I have stopped living it. I have stopped heeding my own advice. My advice isn’t the cure-all fix-all kind of advice. But the advise is more techniques, which have been working for me, and I want to share these ideas and techniques with whoever will listen to me😊.
I need to listen to me more. We need to listen to ourselves more. We need to truly allow ourselves to honestly listen to ourselves. I now see I need to really get back on the horse. I have fallen, but I recognize I need to get back up and get on that horse and keep going. I see this now. I hope, if you are in the same place as I am right now, you can see in yourself you have fallen off the horse. It’s time to get back on the horse. It’s time to get moving forward again. Let’s ride together!
I cannot stay where I am now. I can’t. It is beginning to consume me. I recognize it now. Does it mean I’ve fully pulled myself out of this funk? No, I have work to do, but I am feeling the motivation building back inside of me. I want to be here and I want to do this.
I cannot see what I will be like in the future. I do not possess a time traveling DeLorean. I’m OK with this. What I can do is keep working on the me for the now and present. Keep working each and everyday on myself. This work will lead to the future me being what I am, being the best me possible, and I have a lot of control and creative power to mold this future me. It’s time to keep moving. The effort is worth it. I’ve seen the fruits of these efforts before and I need to get back to that place.
Are you good where you are, at this very moment? Can you allow yourself to really ask yourself this question. This question is valid for those who have never decided to start this journey toward better mental health and wellness and it is also valid for those of us currently on the journey. We are going to hit bumps in the road. What are we going to do about them when we do?
Maybe you are good at this very moment…excellent keep moving forward and don’t stop. Keep putting the effort into all that is good. Maintain the feeling.
Maybe you aren’t good at this moment. Same as the good…we have to keep moving forward. Allow yourself to step back and ask yourself, “Am I good where I am, at this very moment?” Allow yourself to truly ask it and answer honestly. The honest answer is the best answer, as it is all about your own mental health and wellness.
We have to be honest with ourselves. We also have to ask ourselves this question from time to time. This question about where we are currently at can help us either maintain our focus or recognize where we need to readjust our focus and implement the changes if necessary.
Are you good where you are, at this very moment? Are you?
We can do this! We got this! It’s OK to not be OK…it really is. We can stay there as long as needed, but we always have to remember to keep moving on and keep moving forward.
Have a great day!
Feel free to jump over to Facebook and join the group I’ve started:
Jason Kehl’s Basement Of Jams: Rocking Mental Health
This group is meant to focus on an “everybody in” type of focus. I share my music and also this blog there amongst other things. The music I share is instrumental (I am not a singer). I try and attach a positive message to each tune. I also encourage others to share their hobbies or anything that they like to do that makes them happy. Or share anything that is working for them. A place where we can get away from things for a while. A group approach to improving each others mental health!
I’ve also started a podcast in hopes that my desire to spread mental health awareness can reach more people.
Jason Kehl’s Basement Of Jams: Rocking Mental Health
Also on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google, Amazon Music, and Pandora
Please check it out and feel free to share it as well.